Category Archives: Mental Health

Aug 3

July Nearly Broke Me

July (as most July’s seem to go) was a bad month for me all around. My seasonal affective disorder was at it’s highest for the year, and my depression was raging. My panic attacks made a return throughout the few hours of sleep that I could find at night. During the day my mind was a blank mess that only wanted to sleep. I wasn’t myself, and I wasn’t o.k., and I wasn’t sure that August would find me…

I hate months like that where there are more bad days than good, more bad days than o.k. ones, more wretched days than decent ones. It is a cycle that feels never-ending. It is frustrating, I’m taking all of the steps to try and have better days, but it isn’t working at all.

I’m still exhausted, but mentally I’m in a better way than I was a week ago. I hope and pray that August is kinder.

 

 

Jul 25

Can It BE OVER ALREADY?!?

One month to go, I keep telling myself, just one month to go. My seasonal affective disorder has hit it’s peak, and I’m feeling pretty awful at the moment. I had a rough weekend, and Monday was no walk in the park. I got the kids out of the house for a bit on Tuesday, and then they fought for the rest of the day. I woke up today listless, exhausted, and blah.

Summer needs to end like two months ago.

May 26

Five Years And Counting: Part Five

I started this post over a year ago, when I was looking for a new Doctor for treatment for depression and generalized anxiety disorder. The month of  May is also Mental Health Awareness month, and I think it is important to get the conversation started.

acceptance and moving on…

I might never be o.k. and that is o.k.

There is no finality to depression. There is no end game to complete. There is no task or trinket that can make it all disappear. However, it can be managed.

It still isn’t easy.

I take my medication every single day. I have my bad days and my good. I keep trying though, and I show up even when I wish I wouldn’t. I keep in touch with my new Doctor, and journal through my days to keep watch when my symptoms are acting up. I try to be honest about how I am actually doing. I struggle…

I still have lost minutes, months, and days. My short term memory is zapped, I’m exhausted during the day, and can’t sleep at night. I still take my medicine, and show up when I don’t want to.

I keep trying to get better…

I don’t know just where my mind will let my life be in the next few years. I try best to focus on the here and now. I show up, I take my meds, I hope to get better.

I watch my kids grow, and change, and I pray that they aren’t unhealthy like me. I hope that these genes will live only in me, and they won’t struggle like I did for so many decades. I show up, I take my meds, and I hope it will help.

I might never be better, and that’s o.k., I show up I take my meds, and I live with depression and anxiety…

I keep trying;

 

 

 

 

 

 

May 5

Scared Of Summer

A word of caution, this is  ranty post… So here’s a picture of my cat being cute and watching the cars drive by.

As the title suggests I’m scared of Summer… The kids have just six days left of school, and I’m not ready for everyone to be home just yet. The school year seemed to pass so quickly, and my quiet days are now numbered. I’m not ready for the endless days, the boredom, the fighting, the groceries, and feeling stuck.

You see, Summer is not kind to me. My seasonal affective disorder peaks and crushes me. My days are filled with bone tiring depression, headaches, polymorphous light eruptions, and I just want to escape it all. Sleeplessness, and anxiety occupies the rest of the twenty-four hours, with no schedule to adhere to. It isn’t fun, and I’m not pleasant.

I try my best, and every Summer I pep myself up that this year will be different, it never is, bu July I’m completely wrecked.

I’ll say I’m tired, I’ll put in the hours, I’ll smile and entertain, but I’m counting down the days till Autumn.

 

 

Mar 30

Out Of Service

This week I was excited for Dylan’s 11th birthday, and the kids were finally back to school from one very long Spring Break. I was looking forward to baking some cakes, catching up around the house, and doing some Spring cleaning. When Tuesday arrived,my noggin had other plans…

I was struck down with one of the worst migraines that I have had in a very long time. My speech was slurred, and my right hand couldn’t work properly, I had brutal nausea, and aura in my ears. It was really bad. Usually it is my left side that acts up, so I got a little spooked when my right side was the culprit.

I was sick with the severe migraine through Thursday. Every day I tried something new to quell the pain, and nothing was working. With the kids off school today, I’m heading out for a series of shots if my head starts up again.

This has been one very long week for being such a short week. I have got to get over this nonsense.