Feb 17

On 41

I turned forty-one yesterday, and I didn’t feel too fantastic about it…

I never really handle birthdays, or holidays well, or celebrations in general. Yesterday hit me really hard though. I took Agnes out to pick up dinner, and pick up a birthday cake and cupcakes, I just didn’t feel like baking. I picked up a few of my favorite candies for presents, and grabbed some groceries as well. We were expecting even more snow, and I’ve been running through the pantry.

Dinner was good, the cake was o.k., the whole evening just felt off… I counted the minutes until the kids were finally in bed, and I could end the day.

We are still snowed in today, the kids are home doing school online, and I’m attempting tasks with frozen pipes. We have had really challenging winter weather this last week, and I think it is adding to my stress, and sadness. Its just been a really long week…

Feb 1

Hello February

Well January came and went by in a flash. It was a strange month. The kids were home on break, my oldest turned seventeen, and our schedules became flooded with basketball practice, games, and forensics matches and practices, and endless common core math homework. I didn’t get enough done…

So it’s now February, and I want to take today to get back on track. I’m still finding myself struggling with remaining focused on household tasks, and losing energy quickly to accomplish them. I’ve decided to pare down my weekly to do list, and see if it helps out a bit.

Here’s what I have so far…

  • Monday: grocery shop
  • Tuesday: household cleaning task (specific room)
  • Wednesday: day off, put away all clean laundry
  • Thursday: household cleaning task (specific room)
  • Friday: grocery shop
  • Saturday: weekend cooking for the family day
  • Sunday: vegan meal prep day

Grocery shopping seems to be my biggest nemesis at the moment. I am struggling with agoraphobia again, and grocery shopping leaves me completely drained. I am going to try and stick to just two days at the main grocery store, and pick up as needed.

Household cleaning tasks will be room specific. Daily the kitchen and bathrooms need cleaning and tidying. The living room gets a pick up a few times a day. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I will focus on just one room of the house. I hope this will keep me on task, and ease my distracted mind.

Wednesdays are my day off. Saturdays are my Monday, so on Wednesday I am taking a break. I’ll put away all of the clean laundry that is hanging out upstairs, and I’ll spend quality time catching up on The Expanse or crafting.

Lastly the weekend… I seriously live in the kitchen during the weekend, and it frustrates me. Instead of hoping for weekend plans, I’m just going to accept it, and cook big meals and treats on Saturday for the family. I’m adding in vegan meal prepping for me on Sundays. I always put myself last when it comes to meals, and I usually just grab whatever I can find. I hope that this will get me back on track, and eating better.

I’ll keep you all posted on how this goes. I’m giving it a shot through the month of February. I really hope that this helps keep me motivated, and gives me a little more energy to accomplish a bit more.

Jan 1

Hello 2021

I’m truly grateful that 2020 is finally out of here… My goodness that was about five long years wrapped into one.

We spent last night reflecting on the year, hanging out with our pup, and listening to the kids stay up way too late. There were a few fireworks around the neighborhood, and we even had a bit of snow. All in all not too bad for a quiet evening at home.

Dec 28

Must Do Better

If 2020 has taught me anything, it is that I must do better. I must do better at being prepared for the next calamity. I must do better at keeping my kitchen stocked. I must do better at spending my time efficiently. I must do better at being organized. I simply must do better…

Then it hit me on the way to the store. I must do better at taking care of myself. Somewhere in 2020 I got lost. I was taking care of everything, and everyone, cooking the meals, hand washing dishes four times a day, sewing the masks, prepping the backpacks with necessary p.p.e., even cleaning the damn litter box before I had a cup of coffee. I was nowhere in my to do list.

I push myself lower and lower and my depression grows, my self esteem plummets, and I am tired of feeling like a human garbage dump,

So I started small… I was at the store and I purchased a three pack of my favorite lip balm, and bought some decent face cream to ease my eczema ridden cheeks. I even stopped off and bought myself a new top. It was a small step, but it was something.

I took my time and wandered through the store, everyone was still asleep at home, so there was no need to rush. I picked up fresh fruits, and enjoyed just being out of the house, by myself, for just a moment.

I drove back home with my head a little clearer. I fed the cats, let the pup out. Actually ate breakfast before tending to litter box duties. I put away the groceries, threw a second load of laundry in, hand washed all of the dishes in the kitchen, but I didn’t feel overwhelmed by any of it.

I have to do better at taking care of myself. I’ve got to get a life back.

Nov 21

Nine Days Off

Yesterday I picked up the kids from school, and both of them had to clean out their desks and lockers. The schools are closed for next week, and will hopefully be back in session on the 30th. They were also instructed to bring home all of their login information, and add zoom to their phones. It really feels like we might be switching to online only soon…

Right now everyone is home for the next nine days. My husband has taken time off work, and so far I’ve been in the kitchen nonstop. The weather is amazingly cool, and I have been spending time baking breads, brownies, and making homemade soup.

I’ll start the Thanksgiving baking soon, and I still need to menu plan for next week too. I’ve got a load of laundry waiting on me, so I had better get back to it.