crazy toes
Sunday Stills
Category Archives: Nico
August 2017 Favorite Photos
August was a very strange month. It was a long month, but it seemed to go by in a flash. We welcomed a new kitty to the family, and the kids (finally) went back to school.
We welcomed Jinx to the family. She is growing fast and she is in to everything.
I found one last late-blooming Daisy in the garden. Daisies are my very favorite.
This year we have a second grader, a fifth grader, and an eighth grader! Holy moly the kids are growing up way too fast.
How I love these Kansas storms.
Jinx was being extra cute one sunny afternoon.
I’m happy to report that Thade has been drawing again. I love seeing that little man’s artwork.
We are well into September, and it feels like I have been behind all month. I guess it is just going to be one of those months.
Sunday Stills
hufflepuff
Self-care 2017-2018
I realized this as I was following my seven year old downstairs.
She wanted to go swimming with her brothers, but I had to get her ready first. I knew she wouldn’t be out there for more than fifteen minutes, and it takes a good fifteen minutes to get her ready to go to the pool. Nevertheless, I got her prepped for the pool, and we proceeded to head downstairs.
My glasses slipped off my nose on the way downstairs. No matter what I do, they just don’t fit quite right. My clothes were a mess, I had on a top for cleaning, and comfy pants that I was planning on sleeping in. My hair was still wet from the shower that I took earlier in the morning. I hadn’t even run a comb through my hair, I just threw it up in a wet bun on the way to wake up the kids for the day. I can’t even remember if I’ve brushed my teeth today. Damn! I’m a mess!
I’m in no way a girly-girl. I’m scared of complicated hair-styles and proper make-up, but I’m thirty-seven… Why haven’t I graduated to better self-care by now?!?
So I’ve decided to get out of my comfort zone, and get myself together this year. Help keep me motivated, and accountable. Leave me some tips, suggestions, or ideas to get this girl off of her butt and doing a bit better.
Five Years And Counting: Part Four
family matters, losing Sam…
Two years ago.
I’m frustrated it is Summer, it is hot, and seasonal affective disorder has taken over. Exhaustive depression rules my days, and hyperactive anxiety fills my nights. I’m short tempered, and having to take my back-up rx specifically for anxiety. I feel like a failure…
I hate this part of my condition, I drive everyone away. I feel awful just being with myself, and I know my family didn’t ask for this. My kids didn’t hope for a mom that isn’t well, my husband didn’t ask for a manic-wife that can’t get it together. I can’t talk to anyone… I can’t go anywhere. I’m just stuck.
The agoraphobic part of this makes it a challenge to build connections, and trust. I truly feel uncomfortable with other people around, and new places are a nightmare to navigate. Everything seems to loud when I’m outdoors, voices are biting when I’m grocery shopping, or waiting for my kids to get out of school. I stand quiet, breathe, and count the minutes until I am out of the situation.
I’m trying to find someone to talk too. I’ve been lucky to have met friends online who have had the same struggles with mental illness as I have. Being able to talk through email, and messaging makes a big difference. The anxiety of being out in the world is removed, and I’m thankful for my friendships that have helped me through all of this.
I had recently came in contact with a cousin of mine… We hadn’t really been in touch since we were kids, but we were both facing the same struggles. In a way, I felt a little better hearing that it wasn’t just me, and here was more proof that it truly was genetics.
We messaged each other off and on for several months. He would write when he was feeling particularly down, or mad about the past. I listened, and empathized. He moved, found a new job, made new friends, and seemed to be heading in the right direction. I still stayed the same, same house, same town, same meds.
He went quiet… I was worried, and when I contacted him, he was feeling low, and nothing could be done to pull him back out. I asked him if he had considered going back on his medication, he said that wasn’t an option. He would be o.k., he would get over this bump.
It was July when I found out he took his own life…