Where to begin…

This has been an absolutely chaotic year, and I feel that most days I don’t have a second to myself. I am running kids constantly, and I am exhausted.

Summer has arrived, and the kids have already been out of school for a month. I’m not sleeping, eating, and seasonal affective disorder arrived in May.

I am still sick from Covid (way back in September 2021), my Doctor diagnosed me with Long Covid in January. She said the symptoms should start to ease in another six to nine months. I am so tired from being sick, and being a burden to my family…

I am not doing well right now, but I am still pushing forward.

The last few months have left me exhausted and burnt out… I haven’t felt like myself, and I’ve just been going through the motions of everyday existence. Dishes, laundry, cooking, cleaning, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Everyone has been home for Christmas break, and I was asking my daughter if she had any New Years resolutions. She said she couldn’t really think of any, but she had one for me. She wanted me to focus more on my mental health.

I’m going to see my doctor in a few weeks.

July has to be one of my most difficult months of the year. Today I’m breathing a sigh of relief that July is coming to an end.

This month I had a revelation of why July is so difficult. July is the Summer version of December, with one big difference, scorching temperatures.

July brings an expensive holiday with family expectations. July is also when my seasonal affective disorder seems to be at it’s absolute worst. I have so many days where I just can’t. I get nausea from the high temperatures, and migraines from the sunlight. I’m also smack dab in the middle of Summer break, and everyone and everything is wearing me down.

The anxiety from looming shutdowns has made an appearance once more. I’m second guessing everything, and frustrated that I don’t have any answers for my kids. Will school start, or will it be shut down? Will there be mask mandates, or will they be online learning for a period of who knows how long? Do I pay the ridiculously expensive school fees, back to school shop, or wait if the school board holds one more meeting? I absolutely hate this feeling.

I’ve been having panic attacks in my sleep, and in public while grocery shopping, It is absolutely frustrating. I’ve been seeking treatment for agoraphobia and panic attacks for over ten years. They were improving, and with the shutdown last year, they reared their ugly heady with a vengeance. I am not well right now.

Life in general isn’t pleasant right now, but I am grateful that it is the end of July.

I am sharing this because July is not an easy month for me… This is usually when my seasonal affective disorder peaks, and my depression starts acting horribly. It is too hot, it is too humid, the kids are bored, and I’ve lost motivation to work on the house. It really isn’t one of my favorite times of year.

This July my goal is to simply get through July…

I know it doesn’t sound like much of a goal, but I just have to get through it.