July has to be one of my most difficult months of the year. Today I’m breathing a sigh of relief that July is coming to an end.

This month I had a revelation of why July is so difficult. July is the Summer version of December, with one big difference, scorching temperatures.

July brings an expensive holiday with family expectations. July is also when my seasonal affective disorder seems to be at it’s absolute worst. I have so many days where I just can’t. I get nausea from the high temperatures, and migraines from the sunlight. I’m also smack dab in the middle of Summer break, and everyone and everything is wearing me down.

The anxiety from looming shutdowns has made an appearance once more. I’m second guessing everything, and frustrated that I don’t have any answers for my kids. Will school start, or will it be shut down? Will there be mask mandates, or will they be online learning for a period of who knows how long? Do I pay the ridiculously expensive school fees, back to school shop, or wait if the school board holds one more meeting? I absolutely hate this feeling.

I’ve been having panic attacks in my sleep, and in public while grocery shopping, It is absolutely frustrating. I’ve been seeking treatment for agoraphobia and panic attacks for over ten years. They were improving, and with the shutdown last year, they reared their ugly heady with a vengeance. I am not well right now.

Life in general isn’t pleasant right now, but I am grateful that it is the end of July.