I started this post over a year ago, when I was looking for a new Doctor for treatment for depression and generalized anxiety disorder. The month of  May is also Mental Health Awareness month, and I think it is important to get the conversation started.

acceptance and moving on…

I might never be o.k. and that is o.k.

There is no finality to depression. There is no end game to complete. There is no task or trinket that can make it all disappear. However, it can be managed.

It still isn’t easy.

I take my medication every single day. I have my bad days and my good. I keep trying though, and I show up even when I wish I wouldn’t. I keep in touch with my new Doctor, and journal through my days to keep watch when my symptoms are acting up. I try to be honest about how I am actually doing. I struggle…

I still have lost minutes, months, and days. My short term memory is zapped, I’m exhausted during the day, and can’t sleep at night. I still take my medicine, and show up when I don’t want to.

I keep trying to get better…

I don’t know just where my mind will let my life be in the next few years. I try best to focus on the here and now. I show up, I take my meds, I hope to get better.

I watch my kids grow, and change, and I pray that they aren’t unhealthy like me. I hope that these genes will live only in me, and they won’t struggle like I did for so many decades. I show up, I take my meds, and I hope it will help.

I might never be better, and that’s o.k., I show up I take my meds, and I live with depression and anxiety…

I keep trying;