Wrapping Up March

It’s the last day of the month, and to be honest, I’m feeling gross today. I barely slept last night, and I’ve had severe nausea all day. I went back to sleep as soon as I dropped off the kids, got up at 10:00 a.m. to let out the pup, and water the plants, and then I just went back to sleep…

Flu, sleep deprivation, depression, seasonal affective disorder, completely burnt out, could be any one of them.

I’m up now, and trying to rally to go pick up the kids from school. I am really hoping my stomach cooperates.

Mental Health In March

I truly envision having my life together, house cleaned, and mental health beautifully pleasant… I just turned 41, and nope, still don’t have any of these things done.

But I’m working on it, and I will keep working on it.

Way back when 2021 began in a very chilly January, I purchased a new day planner. I make notes on my phone, but there is something about writing it down physically that makes me want to do the task. I decided to take it month by month, and work on my messy-mentally exhausted-clutter-bored life.

January was mostly organizing my days. I listed off every room in the house, along with little tasks that needed accomplished. I set aside a shopping day, a cleaning day, a putting away laundry day, and about two weeks in I started failing, and went back to old ways.

February arrived and I decided to shift my attention back to my family and meal preparation. I was back to menu planning, and spent more time in the kitchen than I had ever before. I was going to make breakfast, homemade snacks, bake more bread, take a break from takeout, and make the weekend all about good meals.

I shopped locally, washed so many dishes my fingers cracked and bled, I made snacks from scratch, and homemade pizzas. I made Roasts, Fried Chicken, and so many sides. You know what happened? My family still complained, and I ended up hand washing dishes for at least three hours a day…

Also in February if it could go wrong it did. The pipes froze, and we are still getting damage repaired, depression arrived, and smacked me upside the head. School was closed, and I had a crappy birthday. My car needed repairs, we all needed glasses, seriously it was one thing that costs way too much after another…

Which brings me to March. I know that May is regarded as Mental Health Awareness month, but I needed the help in March, I couldn’t wait until May. I had decided to take the month of March and refocus some of that energy to my mental fitness.

I’m late posting this challenge, because Spring Break happened, and my kids only had like fourteen days of school for the month of March. They are finally back, and I have a moment to sit down and write.

I started off by looking at my weekly schedule. Again I wanted to cut back on take-out, and spend less time and money at the grocery store. I shifted weekends to focusing on making vegan meals for the fridge, and trying out new vegan dishes and baked goods. I still feed everyone else, I just don’t treat every meal as if it was a holiday, and the boys are eating a lot of frozen pizzas, which they seem to enjoy more.

I started focusing on R-E-L-A-X-ing, and actually striving for more than four hours of sleep a night, I really have a nightmare of a sleep schedule. I stopped drinking soda, I started drinking at least 80 oz of water a day, and stopped to rest when I really needed to.

Spending more time cooking ready made vegan meals has really helped. I’m always the last one to eat, and it is nice not having to make something from scratch every day. I didn’t cut back on the take-out as much as I wanted to, seriously these teenagers of mine never stop eating…

The month is almost over, and I have done a little better. I have spent more time outdoors working on the garden, and I’ve gotten back into reading, and crafts. I take breaks, and don’t kick myself for actually resting.

I’m still tired, and my body aches a lot, but it is better.

Now if we can just get the house sorted out, and repairs done quickly… That just might be on my goal list for April.

Friday, Again

The kids have another day off today, so of course I was wide awake at 5:00 a.m. I wish I could sleep…

The weather is starting to improve here, and my trusty pup Tucker and I got out yesterday and started some seeds. Every year I have a plan of starting my seeds by February, but end up starting them in May. I’m hoping that March will be a happy medium, and maybe we’ll get some healthy seedlings.

The house is slowly returning to normal after the deep freeze. We had minimal damage after the pipes froze, and the kitchen sink is working again. I’m happy that my kitchen is in working order again.

This week has been a strange one. The kids had an early out day on Wednesday, and Agnes was home sick that day. I ended up picking up Dylan early on Wednesday too, he was having an awful day at school. Some days are just that way.

Next week is another short week, and then it is time for Spring Break. I’m not quite ready for the noise and boredom.

I hear Agnes up already, so I had better get to it. Happy Friday!

On 41

I turned forty-one yesterday, and I didn’t feel too fantastic about it…

I never really handle birthdays, or holidays well, or celebrations in general. Yesterday hit me really hard though. I took Agnes out to pick up dinner, and pick up a birthday cake and cupcakes, I just didn’t feel like baking. I picked up a few of my favorite candies for presents, and grabbed some groceries as well. We were expecting even more snow, and I’ve been running through the pantry.

Dinner was good, the cake was o.k., the whole evening just felt off… I counted the minutes until the kids were finally in bed, and I could end the day.

We are still snowed in today, the kids are home doing school online, and I’m attempting tasks with frozen pipes. We have had really challenging winter weather this last week, and I think it is adding to my stress, and sadness. Its just been a really long week…

Must Do Better

If 2020 has taught me anything, it is that I must do better. I must do better at being prepared for the next calamity. I must do better at keeping my kitchen stocked. I must do better at spending my time efficiently. I must do better at being organized. I simply must do better…

Then it hit me on the way to the store. I must do better at taking care of myself. Somewhere in 2020 I got lost. I was taking care of everything, and everyone, cooking the meals, hand washing dishes four times a day, sewing the masks, prepping the backpacks with necessary p.p.e., even cleaning the damn litter box before I had a cup of coffee. I was nowhere in my to do list.

I push myself lower and lower and my depression grows, my self esteem plummets, and I am tired of feeling like a human garbage dump,

So I started small… I was at the store and I purchased a three pack of my favorite lip balm, and bought some decent face cream to ease my eczema ridden cheeks. I even stopped off and bought myself a new top. It was a small step, but it was something.

I took my time and wandered through the store, everyone was still asleep at home, so there was no need to rush. I picked up fresh fruits, and enjoyed just being out of the house, by myself, for just a moment.

I drove back home with my head a little clearer. I fed the cats, let the pup out. Actually ate breakfast before tending to litter box duties. I put away the groceries, threw a second load of laundry in, hand washed all of the dishes in the kitchen, but I didn’t feel overwhelmed by any of it.

I have to do better at taking care of myself. I’ve got to get a life back.