Monthly Archives: May 2021

May 30

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

May is Mental Health Awareness month, and yesterday I had a bad mental health day… I woke up dreading the morning, another day of simply existing to clean, cook, and repeat. I haven’t been sleeping again, and I haven’t been eating well either. I just take care of everyone and everything for eighteen hours a day, and I’m not doing well with any of it.

Days like this suck, and they are truly frustrating, but they do exist. I gave in to my bad day, and allowed myself to have it, but I didn’t feel bad for myself. Most days like this I grow angry with myself for not pulling it together, and I’m frustrated that I can’t fake it for twenty-four hours. Instead I miserably existed, and I woke up on Sunday.

I am sharing this because even if you are in treatment you are going to have those bad days. Hell, I’ve been seeking treatment for the last sixteen years, and I still have bad days. It is important to show up even on the bad ones, and get through it. Healing from multiple mental health diagnoses isn’t always pretty, but I keep pushing.

May 1

Goals for the month of May

I am here to report that the goals for the month of April were an absolute bust… If it could go wrong (or break) it did. My main goals for April were to get the plumbing fixed, and work out in the yard on the Summer gardens.

We had been waiting on plumber number one to show up, and then we called plumber number two that gave us the run around for another two weeks. When it was almost two months waiting we decided to call a contractor. They did show up, worked a full two days, and when they left, water still poured from the ceiling… Looks like we are going to call plumber number three, and wait even longer.

The weather was crazy. We had storms, snow, heat, storms, freezing temps, high winds, and allergies. Not much yard work was done… I worked a bit on the side porch, and babied along seedlings through a late snow storm. I was really exhausted most of the month, and had a good two weeks of migraines.

That brings us to May. The kids have just nine days left to the school year, and all three kids have multiple activities for each and every day. I’m just going to try my best to keep up with all of it, and make sure everybody gets where they need to.

May is also Mental Health Awareness Month, and I am working on myself a bit more. I’m going in for my yearly well woman visit and prescription refill requests, as well as having my second mammogram. I would like to take Agnes shopping and restock our makeup bags, and maybe get a few new clothing items for Summer.

I am also working on my ongoing mental health struggles. Summer is when my seasonal affective disorder goes haywire and I battle severe depression. With the kids home full time, and the noise level elevated, insomnia creeps in, and panic attacks in my sleep are more common. Summer is always a challenge.

I also want to enjoy Summertime more. I often feel like I’m in the same old rut of cooking, cleaning, laundry, cleaning, cooking, and never really getting to relax. I want to be able to enjoy the lazy days of Summer without just being a handmaid to the household.

I hope the month of May goes well, but after April, I’m not holding my breath.